For Couples Who Aren't Trying to Destroy Each Other
- melissagadrix
- Jul 1
- 2 min read
"Are we doing this wrong?"
I sometimes wonder if that's a question couples ask themselves when they decide they don't want their divorce to become a battle. Movies, television, and even the stories we hear from others often portray divorce as a knock-down, drag out fight. We expect courtroom drama, heated arguments, and spouses determined to "win" at all costs. Unfortunately, those situations exist in real life, but there is another story to tell.
There are also couples who have reached the difficult conclusion that their marriage has come to an end. They may disagree about parenting, finances or what life looks like moving forward. They know there are hard conversations ahead and things may get heated. But they also know something else: they don't want the divorce process to cause more damage than the end of the marriage already has.
Wanting a respectful divorce doesn't mean you're giving up your rights. It doesn't mean you're naïve and pretending everything is fine or that every decision will come easily. It simply means you've decided that if difficult conversations have to happen, you'd rather approach them thoughtfully rather than looking back wishing the process had been different.
In many ways, I think that takes strength.
It takes strength to sit across from someone with whom you've shared years of your life to engage in honest conversations about parenting, finances, your home and your future - apart. It takes maturity to stay focused on solving problems when emotions could easily pull the conversation in another direction. And it takes courage to believe that even though a marriage is ending, it can still end with dignity.
That's one of the reasons I believe mediation is such a meaningful process. It's not about convincing people to agree or avoiding difficult conversations. It's about creating an environment where both people have the opportunity to be heard, explore options and make informed decisions about the
future they're each trying to build. Not every mediation ends with a complete agreement, and that's okay. Meaningful progress isn't measured only by a signed document. Sometimes it's reflected in better communication, a clearer understanding of the issues or resolving enough to make the remaining decisions feel manageable. It could even result in a greater understanding of the person you spent so much time with. Every step forward creates a stronger foundation for whatever comes next.
If you're one of those couples who isn't trying to destroy each other, you’re not doing divorce "wrong." You're simply choosing a path that values respect alongside resolution. That's a philosophy I believe is worth protecting.
